To All the GIrls: Ewy
You're the final piece of my puzzle that I could never solve. Our ghost haunts me even after I'm gone. As I struggled through depression while weighing my fragile heart on the scale that never seem to balance; never tipping to my favor. The echoes of queen and the pupper master, and the easter eggs across the writings. You're the one who could see them, but then again, can you, now?
Writing to you now at 2am, while I'm nodding off to Bedroom's music. Yep, another indie music; with you, it's always going to be. I miss the times you'll follow me to art events, museums and watch me getting all stoke up for art. I love how you're chasing a dream of your own too, as I'm always proud to see you on the pole. You're the lucky ones who know what she loves, and I hope you'll never, ever lose sight of what you dream of.
My letter to you has nothing but good memories and blessings. You have a lot that I'll always miss. Like how I love your laughter, how I love how warm your cheeks are, and how I love hugging you to sleep even though you do nonsensical shenanigans like gathering my quilt then tossing it aside. There's just so much of you to love and I could never stop listing them.
I hate how that night happened, how I have to find out. How I have to understand that the Universe might be pitting us against us. How dare they when they have put us together? How dare they made us star-crossed lovers when we're made for each other? I thought about it alot over the years of trying to make it work. If the Universe is putting my insecurities to test or is it my inner voice telling me this indeed wasn't it.
I was pretty darn sure that I wasn't fair to you. The odds weren't in your favor and there are no cards to reverse what happened. I didn't give you a fair chance, even though I owe it to you. And I think you gave your everything. It is sad how both of us squeezed each other dry. We called it quits; we decided to wake up from this midsummer night dream. And what comes after isn't a happily ever after.
I missed you at times even as I write this. The memories, that I could never forget. You should know I'm not the kind of guy who moves on easily, and you could be potentially be seeing someone else now. The way you use to brag at how fast you could move on scares me all the time. I have to let you go, even if I don't want to. Because we're both heading in different directions, your life, and mine, and thus I'd have to be honest with myself for our sake.
I'm thankful for all the wonderful memories, the good and bad, the times when you saw me broken down beyond. You're probably the only person who'd seen me going "beyond", and likely the only one, unless I could ever be comfortable with someone like this again. You're one of my most intense chapters, even though it isn't as long as I thought, but you are enough. You always are, and always will be. I hope wherever you are, you are happy. I'm happy knowing that you would be.
There's a lot of us that I'll miss... goofing around, twirling you at just about anywhere into a dance, waltzing with you under the lights while your eyes glow brighter than any of the stars. You warmed up my nights when it was cold, and holding you never ever felt wrong. It was hard to let you go, but nevertheless, we have to, for we are 2 writers writing on different stories, flipping different pages. Perhaps our destinies are not meant to be, but I'm blessed that the Universe let me have a glimpse of us. I loved you (: You'll always be that chirpy girl who flies across the skies like a shooting stars under the circus. You deserve so much more than your world, and I wish you'd know.
I'm sorry that you always felt insecure as well, and I couldn't do any better to take it away. But know that you're golden, know that you're unique, know that you're special. Know that you're different than anyone else and I didn't love anyone as hard then. Your eyes, cheeks and laughter... That'll be something that's hard for me to forget.
Thank you for teaching me love, and showing me love. I could never know I could love somebody like... After everything, I think I didn't say no to us, I just didn't dare to say yes. So maybe that was what cost us, in the very end. Maybe I will get better and love again, or maybe... I'll just be... me. And... with a heavy heart, I let you go.
Goodbye, my love.
Goodbye.
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