I’m sitting at the cafe of Cape Town, digging in to my breakfast and writing down my thoughts again. The solitary stay made me stronger, after breaking me down.
I’m thankful for so many things, like how I got closer back to my family. How I know my mother would always care for me, my dad’s (still) trying time be a better man and for that I know that he is now. I love how my little brother and I are way closer and we are (sorta) back. I enjoy all the movie sessions and catching ups. I love how he would always stood up for me for the times where I didn’t love myself enough to do so. He loved me for me, literally. And for that I’m thankful for him as a family. When I think about my family, I wasn’t that depress anymore.
Of course my friends too, my main boys who are and would always be there to me. They are the arms that catch me whenever I fall, and they would be the ones that would hold me as I try to walk again. And of course my longest friend that I could ever have in my life, my primary school buddy, it’s been probably 18 years now. I’m always and forever would be thankful. My poly boys who retain in touch and it always would feel like we just pick up from where we left off, whenever. Also my army boys, my ride-or-die brother where I clocked crazy hours of road trip with, the stories we shared the darkness we were in and the stars we see. My little close friends that I always catch up one on one with, and everyone else who probably know who you all are boys and girls.
I’m thankful for everyone that I crossed path with, as you all are essential. And that the universe sent you to and away from me, as a lesson, experience or a reminder to be who I want/have and will be.
I’m thankful for being alive, being able to breathe and live is an absolute joy. To be able to see the people I love and more things in life. I’m thankful that I could say I love you to the people I love (or write).
I’m thankful for so many more things and I shouldn’t feel down anymore. I’m thankful for the lessons I learn. Through solitary, experience or stories that life had sent me.
For the coming year I want to be more aware, more grateful, and fingers crossed to be more mature while I still keep the child in me. Because not forgetting (the little prince reference) is what makes us beautiful.
I want to keep returning everything with compassion. This is one of the most important lesson that I’d learnt whilst hear the voices in one of the Temples during my Thailand road trip. To return everything with compassion, both the good and the bad, to forgive, to let go, to set yourself free from the pain you cause yourself. To be more compassionate to lives around you, to show and spread more love. To treat yourself with more compassion, love yourself and allow yourself to get what you deserve. To stop waiting, and start living.
To not be judgemental to not face the world with prejudice and to not label people, but accept them for who they are. Not to just know everyone is different, but to accept, understand and embrace everyone for their own uniqueness with the purest intention.
And for me, 2020 is for love.
I yearn to be healthier, to keep working out, to stay healthy and give my body the care that he deserve. For this body have been carrying me for the past 28 years and I can never be grateful enough.
I want to do more, to do what it’s worth, to be more hardworking, and make my time here count. For what it’s worth, I wish to deliver more joy, happiness and love into the world. I want my people around me to be happy, and worry free. I want my family to smile every single day, I want my friends to be soaked in bliss. I want the world to have more mental health awareness, to be more understanding for others or we are not broken but we all bend the same way after all. And we could be fixed, this time, coming out stronger and better as the universe intended.
And this is my thoughts for 2020.
And I’ll act on it, to be better and eventually find myself.