My Thoughts on Joker

"All I have are negative thoughts".

This quote hits me during the trailer and ever since then, I'd been looking forward to Joker's opening.

Fast forward to the present day, I left the cinema with a bitter after taste while I reflect on my own life.

One of the quotes that
“The worst part of having a mental illness is people expect you to behave as if you don’t.”

And it is, indeed the truth.

Friends who know that I'm depressed asked me to seek help, to smile, to be happy.

"Well... I am, smiling. Isn't it?"

But it is not as easy as it seems. There are so much more beneath the cracks and things aren't as simple as flicking a switch.

I'd been hustling to numb myself every day to take my mind off the voices and thoughts. As much as every day seems like a struggle, I'm only looking forward to tomorrow which would mean that I'm closer to flying out of here.

But some days are as tough as it gets. And you know, sometimes, all it takes is just that "one bad day" to tip us off the scale. You could read up on The Killing Joke if you want, it's probably one remotely similar origin which places our favorite clown as a failed comedian. But aside from that, the whole movie was as fresh out of the oven as it could have been. Though I thought it'll be nice if Dr. Quinzel is at the other end of the table at the very end.

The movie plays on about the darkness in the modern-day society that is often overlooked. Have you ever stopped and get to know people around you?
Like in the inside?
If they're happy, or if they're in pain?
Most of the people didn't have much mental health awareness
A lot could have been avoided (non-dramatic issues), break downs, self-harm, and people spiraling into depression.

The movie reminds me of the numerous untold stories that rub shoulders with us every day and we might not even know.

As theatrical as it is, I would like to believe that every one of our lives is each unique character study, and Joker just charmed the f**k out of me.

It is, as dark as it gets.
But if you don't, don't worry.
You won't get it.

And maybe it's better than you don't.