It's an old and long post that I decided to revisit, as I wanted to find a story to tell for my channel, and this post couldn't have been a better complimentary content to give more layers and context.
I'd been pushing this off for so long. Perhaps I didn't want to face it, perhaps I just decided to block it off, and perhaps so many bad things were happening to me back then I didn't want to acknowledge either of them.
So here it goes...
Not many could understand this as they grow up. People usually will get more mature and stop placing importance on plush. Or rather, people who do are getting lesser. I see mine as a partner in crime, a comrade for all that matters.
If I’m Sherlock, he’ll be my Watson. Have you ever seen Sherlock without Watson? Yep, you get what I mean. You’re my very own Toy Story.
Maybe what I’m saying might sound childish to you, but not to an INFJ who likes going out alone. Solitary walks, or museum visits, MKK will always be there with me. Or rather, over time, I’d receive a few other nicknames, such as turtle-san, MMKK, and kappa-san.
He’s usually with me in my everyday life, we go out together, probably even get drenched in the rain together if there’s one. I might not talk to him, but he’s still as good as alive to me. That irresistible smile would fix just almost everything.
We always travel together and unfortunately during our trip to Japan, we lost each other. I’d backtrack all the way to where I saw him. Called up several places, went to every single station that I got down and asked numerous station masters. Given my limited strength and eloquence in Japanese, I’m sad to say I had pretty much exhausted all my resources.
My mind was making up several scenarios to comfort myself. “Maybe he’s in a better place”, maybe I can try finding just another plush that looks like him, It’ll all be “Bay-max” all over again. Before I could fix myself, I know we’ll never be the same again.
The thought that you might be taken as a thrash kills me. I would rather if you got adopted instead, or rather it would of course be the best scenario if you could find your way back.
I messed up my travel itinerary for a fair bit, hoping it could make me feel better. But it doesn’t. The repeated disappointment when people shake their heads at my question only beat me up again and again. I hope it makes you feel better though, that I’m trying. That I haven’t let go. I felt sick at myself, I felt responsible for you, and yet I lose you. How could I ever be a father if I can’t even take care of something so small?
I felt like a ghost for the rest of the day. It hurts when I was walking back to where I last had you. I automatically dropped what I was doing just to look around, hoping to see you tugged somewhere, or rolled off somewhere.
It might seem impossible. But you know, any glimmer of hope could light me up, and it doesn’t take a lot to give me a little push.
I begin to wonder if I'll do that everything I come to Japan (Osaka). Because I'll definitely come here again.
However, with a heavy heart, I bid farewell to you as I took the Shinkansen back to Tokyo, it might seem ridiculous that a grown man could feel so much just for a little toy. But I was born with more than enough empathy for my own good and that’s all another story to tell.
Believe me, my heart was still literally holding itself at Narita Airport when we took the flight, not wanting to let go. Even the slightest bit.
Maybe it’s good that you picked my favourite country to dock. Maybe that way you’ll still forever be alive, like an urban legend inside my heart, roaming somewhere in Dotonbori, probably up to some mischief again as I speak.
I thereby have to bid goodbye to you…
And we both know we will never be the same again.
Back here, in where I belong, though numbed by my everyday life, it still haunts me every now and then. Had I really tried enough? Especially when I'm looking at the travel photos. How could I not when each and every photo of my favourite country only reminds me of how I lost you?
I’m still trying still… the little snippets of hope I have every day, hoping to bring you closer to me again.
So how far will you go for your plush?
This is how far I will go.
I’d not given up yet, and I’m thankful for everyone who’s been helping me.
Thank you if you’d made your way down to the bottom of the article!
Please do support and help me get some awareness, so maybe in one way or another, this article will find its way to someone who could help.
Share, like, follow, anything simple gesture would mean ALOT to me, and I mean it with the bottom of my heart.
Please help me reunite with my little fluffy son...
I have had a very close encounter, as I have connected with some members of Japan Guide who were a very great help. We found a green toy that was recorded lost in the police box of a station of the train line that I took the other time (Higashi), and the timing couldn't be much similar.
I held that glimmer of hope until I sent the picture and was told that it wasn't him. It was however a Toy Story green alien. So I guess with that, it gave me some sort of closure, that I really tried as I waited at the police box website for months... until I eventually stopped.
Until I eventually tug this in the back of my head, buried this under the deepest depth of my heart, sweeping everything else under the rug.
But I'm thankful, that this video gave me a chance to revisit, and face my trauma for once, and I felt that I gave this chapter a proper closure at least... this time.