To All the Girls: Yilin

Hello, Yilin.

You told me that I'm a romantic. My sweet tongue, that always made your day. Things got dangerously flirtatious between us. I wasn't a person like that, usually. My whole awkward persona seems to have gone into hiding behind the screen. And that's how we met. And that's how you became a part of me. Perhaps after everything I decided to go with a bit of crazy. 

You're slender and petite, way out of my league, as I saw your almond eyes looking straight at the screen towards me and how it must have dazzled a thousand other guys who would have swiped. We hit right off the bat, I was going for awkward humor at first, then you hit back. The back and forth replies spiral into something more romantic than I thought. I said it would have been a love story, and you agreed. I like how you're so on the pretence to be my "wife", and I to you as your "husband". I would always joke about how many guys you could have been flirting with behind my back, and you would always do the same, just so because you think I'm really good with words and poetry. But it was just you.

The virtual self-declared marriage has nothing of love but just naïve and innocent fun with a tinge of romantic banter. It was nice to be able to write to you every now and then (as we don't talk very often), in an endearing way, yet knowing that we won't hurt each other. I'd learned to have fun, with you. In a good way... you see. We teased each other with words... albeit not sexually and never sexually. We painted each other our perfect future... together. You gave me no sadness, but only laughter with our words, our imaginary stories with our imaginary kids. I like how you'll also play along and conjure storylines about our kids and their future, and how we raise them. You might have been a better storyteller than I am. The funny elaborated roleplaying perhaps have gone alittle too deep as there might have sparked something in my heart. At some point you even asked me to take you away... And at that point I wish that I could.

Maybe it's all a game, but sometimes I wondered if part of it is true. Even just that little bit. The romantic in me would wonder if it really exists. Maybe part of you would think like that too... Maybe we would really would have made it to dinner, or something like we said, but never happen. But maybe some things are better left at "never happened". Because that's the beauty right? You'll always be that perfect canvas to me. And perhaps it's also my fear of ruining things, I didn't stay in touch with you when I leave. I know I should have, I could have, but I didn't. I didn't venture to that side of the Universe. 

So... I may have to set you free, because I may... and am guilty of clinging onto you for way too long. And I have to return you to the Universe. With this, I'm writing with smiles and laughter, as we would make each other laugh with our goofy and derpy antics. Thank you, for making me feel and smile again. You were my happy pills, more than anything.

Maybe in another Universe, if we never lost touch, we would have been best friends. Maybe even lovers. Maybe even friends who would have a strange marriage pact and we'll eventually be lovers. Maybe in that Universe, I would have more courage, to ask you for your contact, than let things go as we both faded away.

So, wherever you at. I hope you're happy, and with this... I set you free.