HER: Seoul (in winter)
Seoul, I met you again...
this time, it felt like my voyage have come full circle as you’re the first of “HER”, that I visited.
6 years have past and you seem to have all grown up now. No longer the girl who ruffles my hair and being all jumpy and maybe tom-boyish. You’re probably what they say, by being more “lady-like” now. You did away with your blue hair but there are still some streaks of highlights underneath. It is as if your flamboyant side hasn’t fully retired but took on something subtle. Seoul’s wearing a pair of Jongmyo earrings, Chaedoek overalls with a SEMA bottom. Her Seulleong sneakers completed her look. She’s like those hype bae who would effortlessly pull off any style.’
*
“Hello, again. Seoul”, I said, while giving her a weak smile. I blushed alittle as I slowly walked out towards her.
“Heyya! This felt like a dream! How have you been?!”, she said chirpily as she reached out her arms and hugged me. It felt just almost like home again.
After Seoul is done with university, she took on some random jobs, made coffee, okay tour guide and even went into arts. It is funny how different and grown-up we are now. The way we behave, possibly with an air of awkwardness (for me), it always felt like I’m the loser geek and she’s the prom queen. A very weird combination to hang out with.
“How are my cousins?!”, she asked.
“Busan’s breathtaking, Gyeongju is peculiar and Jeju is literally chill”, I laughed and said.
“Awww... But I’m the best right?!”, she teased while probing me with her elbow.
I laughed again while nodding and turning my head sideways to hide my awkwardness.
“Remember the time at league when we would always get scolded when we messed up bottom lane?!”, she laughed at said as we reminisced our days in Summoner's Rift.
“Yes yes! Awww god I miss playing Nami”, I replied.
As funny as it sounds, she is the carry and I’m the support. But it is more like the opposite back in reality. My awkwardness melted after a few hours and it all felt like we are old friends again.
“Tell me what’s wrong?”, she said as she hands me over her latest concoction. Knowing that I love peanut butter, this latte comes with a nutty cream that would always own a place in my heart.
"mmmmm", I sipped the latte, while trying to deflect her question.
"And speaking of Nami- there's a place I'd love to bring you to!", she beamed, as if knowing that I don't wish to talk about my problems.
*
It felt so different this time. The places we went, the things we did.
We went to a proper art museum this time round, hang out and chill at the library and she made me try her different types of coffee! We met her other friends, Yeouido, Dangsan, and Hongik. We had Dakgalbi, cafe hopped, danced under the snow and even did some shopping together.
She also bought me to try out skiing, something that I never thought I’ll do.
We had a crazy day trip out, from heading out towards Nami Island, where we hungout, walked across the beautiful rows of pine cones before tugging me to the snowy mountains for a ski session.
"You have to try this out", she said while tugging me into the place where we'd get our equipment and change. And Seoul is much stronger than she looks
"Okay okay!", I said half laughing as I walked in with my hands up, surrendering.
*
"Seoul, this won't hurt right?", I asked half nervous half smiling as I wade across the snow. It's really difficult to walk with the skis attached and before long we are to go down a slope for a start.
"You have to trust and push yourself down", she said as I was determined not to go down the slope until I get everything right.
I knocked myself and fell afew times, but after everything, it begins to make more sense. I am able to slide down slowly, not too fast, but at least I manage to conquer the beginner's slope, which I never thought I would.
"You should be braver, you know, sometimes you just have to take the first step to try! Don't be afraid of falling down", she's walking in front while talking and I thought it felt like a perfect candid shot. Which became the cover photo of her write up now.
"Yes, ma'am", I smiled as I took that shot of her.
"Eyy, Did you just take a photo of me? Secretly?", She snapped at me while giving me that play-angry look.
"I thought it look good", I said showing her a brief second of a preview before slipping the phone back into my pocket.
"It is not! I was talking when you take that! Don't you put it anywhere", she said before going back to our conversation.
(I'm sorry if you see this ahahha you really look good, right?!)
"Tsk! just remember, get up whenever you fall", she continued, while placing her palm on my back.
All it took was a gentle push, and I was way out of my comfort zone, as I could feel my body leaning down, trying to balance why my feet swerve in both directions while my thigh tries to keep them together. It was a wild experience but I barely made it. Seoul came down smoothly and suavely not long after.
"Not that difficult right?!", she said while playfully giving me a push.
We tried afew more other slopes then, and she'd always be there to pull me up whenever I fall. It takes a lot more tries than we always think, but before we know it, we're experiencing one of the best times of our lives; when we're finally adapting and comfortable out of our comfort zone.
"See! Just keep trying, and you'll get it! Don't be afraid to fall~!", she said before skiing down the slope for the last time before we go!
And I followed suit.
*
Seoul took the train with me towards the airport at the end. She insists on saying goodbye at the very last moment, even though I told her it is okay.
“Think about what you want to do, work backwards, and remove anything unnecessary out of your equation. You can do it”, she said, looking at me.
"Well?", she probed. I noticed her eyebrows raised as she bite gently onto her lip.
"Honestly I am not so sure anymore sometimes, as I bounced between relapse and anxiety-". I said as I looked away as if I'm ashamed of my pain.
“We are all alittle lost. Me too. But that doesn’t stop us from moving forward”, Seoul said as she pushed her hair back and looked at me again. "Here’s a tip. Everyone loves to spend more thing dreaming about it than actually doing it. Don’t be like everyone”, she continued.
“I don't know, Seoul... well... uhm", I said while I was trying to gather my thoughts together.
“You will be better the next time we met, okay!”, Seoul cut me and said before I could say anything.
“I promise”
“Don’t promise me! Promise yourself!”
It’s funny to say that I love Seoul abit more now. There are so much more things to look forward to with her now, and I hate how all these just make me want to push everything away and whisk myself over for a long time.
But... till then okay?
You’ll always gonna be my Jung.
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