Transversing through Depression

For he who transverse have a long way to go.

For we will then falter and burn,
then rise from the ashes,
and burn brighter.
Than before…

It’s officially the worse time of my life.
it is worse than I thought it would be.

Murphy’s law at it’s finest when once again I thought I got out of it. 
My depression came back at it again as I start losing sleep.
My body cease the will to function,
My mind can’t stay still,
My businesses weren’t doing well.
And this is only the tip of the iceberg for the rest is history.
It’s all a gigantic avalanche and I can’t express how bad it has been.

Things aren’t doing well.
And it hasn’t been.

I felt empty, but not alive.

Every day seems like a slog, me wading in my pool of comfort zone, waiting for the “perfect” day, for the sun to shine in that perfect ray at lays out like the carpet right beneath my feet.

It isn’t going to happen.

Yes, it isn’t.

The world moves along without me.
The markets would trade without me.
People breathe without me.

The constant ticking, the whole galaxy floating in space, all happens still. Sabotage yourself by drowning in alcohol, or using the same predicament to push yourself into empowerment.

That’s your choice.

Time and again I have been in the same crossroads as I weave in and out of depression.

The voices don’t stop talking, the negatives sucking my will to live. It is as if staying alive is a conscious choice as I greet tomorrow with gratitude every day when I opened my eyes.

Depression isn’t easy. 
It certainly isn’t. 

And it might sound hard, but at the end of the day. 

In all, I have picked up myself in that sorry state, travel and backpacked a portion of Thailand, made friends I’d thought I’d never make. I started leather making, acrylic painting, hell, and even forex trading as I tried to be comfortable with taking risks.

But then it’s not all smooth sailing. The area out of the comfort zone promises no paradise and there’re adversities everywhere. Pushing you back. Making you feel inadequate, whispering and hurling your thoughts into that dark abyss at every single chance you have.

I took up Japanese too, and hopefully one day, I’ll be able to communicate with the country I love the most. 

I’m still down, and I’m working my way out of depression. Walking on that carpet of shattered glass towards happiness. No matter how high the peak, you’ll reach it one day.

Just one day.

Now I have chosen my choice.

How about you?


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