I'm writing this to you while you're still fresh in my mind, as I'm getting goosebumps from your art, your thoughts, your words and everything I'm feeling. We came a long way together when I have unknowingly shared the same view of "taming" as you. Little did I know, years back when I reread your book as an adult and felt the same way.
And I saw you, traces of you in Busan as if you're there waiting for me to find you. And there I found you, and you gave me a warm smile and a hug that seem to make the winter's wind felt nothing but just a cold breeze. You are way more alive up close than in photos, where I see you and your fox. So full of life, hope, and happiness. I ran my hands alongside your sculptures your murals, hoping that for once I can be closer to you.
I'm writing with majiko's (まじ娘) irony (アイロ二) in loop. Possibly because the lyrics are pretty accurate summarising my feelings as we speak. These melanchromatic tunes have been on my mind since I first heard it. And alongside with ruthless, angela, and afew others will be the song that defined a turning point in my life. It is funny how I mark my life with songs sometimes, but maybe it would be another write-up, another day.
So back to the letter to you, my prince. I hope you're doing well. After the incident with the snake, I chose to believe that you are back up in the skies. You accepted death, knowing that like life, it is just a phase. And there is so much more that we all have to learn from your thoughts, your works, or rather you, your true name; Antoine de Saint-Exupéry.
You taught me to never forgot, to keep loving, to keep remembering. To never forget the child in you that clings hopefully to you as you grow, whose presence fades away over time if you forget. There are many things that I'd chose to remember, or rather, I can't forget.. Maybe it's both, but growing up, I can't tell the line between unforgettable and choosing to remember.
Well... life happens, you see.
As much as I wish to be the pilot and go to wherever it may be,
As much as i wish to have the whole planet to myself,
As much as I yearn for a rose to love.
I struggled to make sense of numbers, I tried really hard to love them, knowing that the numbers will pave a way for me. It might sound ridiculous to you but we are now living in a world where we are slaves to this seemingly small paper coupon that would determine how we live. This small and thin sheet of paper would determine our worth, our class, our values and eventually how much our life is. But all in all, I have chosen to do this, to crunch numbers, to look forward to printing more of this coupon where we can exchange for crisp of happiness, just so I could eventually choose to remember.
So I could choose to remember my love and passion for travel, and how going out there warmth my heart in the weirdest of ways, where I can let out the persona that I have been keeping in my heart knowing that nobody would tease and make fun of me. The one that is real, where people might think that it isn't, but it is what it is, for both sides of the coin makes me, me.
So I could choose to play the hero I want to be, to save the ones who believe in me out of misery. To cut their rat race short, to inspire them to believe, to pursue what their heart seeks. And there, with my words, I can write and guide, and push people out of their boundaries. So we could all be happy.
So I could choose to remember my love for the arts. Oh, how I would scorn at my doodlings which never seen to improve, but my passion to create burns as brightly as the morning star, where colors on my palette never cease to exist. And I'll never forget how you love your sheep.
So I could choose to remember how to be happy, without worrying if I'll ever fit. So I could love myself a bit more, hate myself a bit less, and be okay with me and my body. So I can eventually grow motivation to fix where I have to be fixed, instead of...dwelling.
To choose to seek,
beyond my touch,
The ones who dream, who believes,
Who love and don't judge.
What would eventually be install for me,
If this is where I heed
And happiness is what I'll eventually see.
So what exactly matters the most, Prince? The rules of society make the lines so hard to see. How to concrete jungle is run by wealthy apex predators preying on the weak. How we can never come close to the sun, just like Icarus and his wings.
There are so many questions that I'll wish to ask you, but there's also nothing that I wish to speak, but maybe to just sit with you, and enjoy that 44th sunset with you. Perhaps there are some answers that we will never know, Prince. But perhaps that's what makes life beautiful...at the very end.