Flight thoughts (Johannesburg)

I miss this.

I’d almost forgotten how does it felt like to be free. After working, I’d realise why people just fade away while being a cog in the society. Money’s pretty good, and as long as you’re not spending, you won’t starve and a future is guaranteed.

That was how it is when I got back. 
The depression makes everything worse.
I stopped keeping in touch with people, I killed off my online persona.

Every day, I rose up to work, I switched off my mine as I put everything else on the back of my head. I thought about earning money, I thought about making it with trading.

On the other hand, I’m still happy.

My relationship with my brother and family had gotten a lot of closer. And I’d tightened the bonds with the handful of friends I’m closed with. Just us family

There are still days that I wondered about my travel, and there are still days that I wondered about the lives of the people that I’d changed (or tried to). Are they still different, are they still growing? Or have they forgotten about it when they got back as well, just like me.

I pondered about a lot of things, over the course of my flight, while I drift in between sleep. I thought about the people whom I love to keep with, but didn’t. I thought about my second family in TYH, the once that I missed, even though I didn’t say it. 

It felt just as surreal when I was packing, when my boys was staying up with me, chattering whilst I clear up the mess.

I would miss them, terribly too. Though we don’t really say it. Call it tough love. 
I didn’t feel much, not as triumphant as the plane takes off, I didn’t feel joy as I was embarking on a journey. Maybe not just yet. However this was what I was looking forward too months back, and It’d finally happened.

 

Maybe it’s because I got too used to Taiwan, and I’m so not used to going else to somewhere new. Maybe I’d leaped too far off the comfort zone. Maybe I’m just afraid my world would crumble if I realise that I actually don’t like traveling as much as I do.

 

Well, I would know after I landed. 
Perhaps, I would love this after all.
Perhaps I’ll find out who I am and what I am after all these.
Perhaps it’s time for me to be courageous for once. 


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